In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
