Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
