the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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