And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
