I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
