hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
