Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
