I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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