marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
