I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
