I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
