Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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