Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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