my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So vagazzling was a success
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize