Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So much Jack, so little girl.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
