You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
