If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Never let your siblings swipe right.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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