so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
