Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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