You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
