it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
