Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
