I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
