im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
