until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's the barista slut.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
