You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
