If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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