booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
