So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
