Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
