before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
