drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
