i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
