She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
