Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
