apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
