Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
