im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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