I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
