Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
