Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
