Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
