Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You did what with his pubic hair?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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