Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
