8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
