we're chasing vodka with high fives
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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