9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize