You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize