nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
