last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
