Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
