His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
