Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
