I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry about my life...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
