Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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