Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
