...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sorry about my life...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
