That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
