I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
