Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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