Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
