I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
