just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
