Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
